Listosaurus Rex

 Piero Scaruffi is, I’ve gathered, an academic and historian on film, music, and philosophy. I know very little about him, though I’m considering picking up his acclaimed history of rock book (in spite of its famous claims that the Beatles are overrated and bad).  So I googled the guy and found his web-site, which includes a section of film critiques and rankings.

One feature, which was composed by Scaruffi either in 1998 or some time before — the site is ambiguous — contains his list of the “Greatest Films of All Time.”The list contains 100 items, the first 194 (?) ranked, the other 806 seemingly in no particular order. To me, this list encompasses almost everything that’s wrong with film studies as an educational subject and film criticism in general.  

Here are some of the faults with it: first, it’s a list. Now, as we know, I’m a list fiend. But lists are fun. They’re ridiculous. They put logical order and ranking to taste. They are most certainly not scholarly. Scaruffi takes great pride in the fact that his site is scholarly:

 This web site is an online service devoted to the world of culture and entertainment. Unlike other online magazines of this kind, which target mainly the general audience of tv viewers, this web site caters to the upscale audience of “intellectuals” and experts, who are more interested in critical news than in mundane news.      

–Piero Scaruffi, advertising/about page

If his readership is intellectual, why do they need a rigid list?  Any true scholar of art would know that there is no best or worst art.  To attempt to rank the greatness of one piece of art to another’s is a silly side-squabble that is both impossible and a distraction from the point of the art.  If we’re intellectually approaching it as art, why spend time discussing its greatness? Why not discuss the art itself?  

Don’t get me wrong, I love lists about movies. But not lists that rank movies as a cerebral art form. I like lists that rank movies as engrossing, emotive cinematic experiences.  

Other lists that are good are collections of opinions about what the greatest movies are: Sight and Sound is the most respected example, and IMDb is my favorite of these. Statistically mashing people’s opinions on what films are great is different from one critic ranking the greatest pieces of art.

Let’s move on.  Here are Scaruffi’s top ten:

1. Orson Welles: Citizen Kane (1941)
2. Alfred Hitchcock: North By Northwest (1959)
3. Orson Welles: Touch Of Evil (1958)
4. Roman Polanski: Chinatown (1974)
5. Robert Altman: Nashville (1975)
6. Sam Peckinpah: The Wild Bunch (1969)
7. Francis Ford Coppola: The Godfather Part II (1974)
8. Elia Kazan: Splendor In The Grass (1961)
9. John Ford: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)
10. Lars von Trier: Riget/ Kingdom (1995)

Sorry, folks, Citizen Kane is not the greatest movie to watch today.  It might be the most influential, perhaps one of the most visually interesting, but it is not the single greatest. It’s still a great movie today, but the time-tripping chronology is old hat at this point, and the movies have gotten better at telling stories as time has passed.  (Side note: I will let you know if this is still my opinion after I have seen the movie with Roger Ebert’s legendary commentary.)

North by Northwest at number two? Really? The movie might be worth a second watch for me, but the awkward sexual puns that made up 80% of the script bothered me. Plus, isn’t this more a piece of entertainment than an artful film?  Sure, Hitchcock was famous for making films that seemed like entertainment but really contained great artistic value. But is it reallybetter than Touch of Evil? Better than The Godfather, or Chinatown, or… etc.?

More than anything else, it’s the precision of the ranking that bothers me. If you read any of his film reviews, he rates movies out of ten, but down to a tenth of a point.  This is ludicrous!  There are one hundred possible rankings.  What really separates a 6.7 from a 6.8?  Remember that this isn’t just anyone picking number ratings for a movie, willy-nilly. This is one of the most respected scholars of film!  And he deems it appropriate to quantify art’s value. Down to a number that precisely.  Ridiculous.

You know what, Scaruffi?  I give your list a 3.7.  And your web-site and the rest of your lists, too.  You call Dogma the tenth best film of the ’90s but Schindler’s List the forty-first.  Now, Dogma’s a good movie, three stars probably, but better than Schindler’s List?  Are you sure your “upscale audience” is going to dig that pick?

Does the guy have some keen insights? Yeah. Do his picks probably have more reasoning than I’m seeing? Probably. Does he know more about film than I ever will? Absolutely. 

But learn something from Roger Ebert, Piero Scaruffi.  Cinema is an art of images and emotion and stories.  It’s one thing to develop a keen eye for what makes a film tick, what makes it valuable and memorable. It’s another thing to elevate art to such an intellectual level that it’s no longer fun.

[link to the list]

The first post on Listosaurus Rex covered SydLexia’s spectacular Top 100 NES games list. I just ran across the site’s sequel covering the SNES.

I’m a bit too young to have experienced the NES in the prime, but the SNES blew my mind as I was growing up. A few Super Nintendo games remain my favorite games ever, so it’s cool to see these hardnosed game geeks sentimentalizing the classics. Here’s the top ten:

1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
2. Super Metroid
3. Final Fantasy III
4. Super Mario World
5. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
6. Chrono Trigger
7. Mega Man X
8. Final Fantasy II
9. EarthBound
10. Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting

Unlike the NES list, I’m actually familiar with most of these games, so it warms the cockles of my heart to see these hardcore gamers hilariously arguing the value of these decade-old treasures.

My favorite portion might be each of the critics tongue-in-cheek ripping Super Mario World — maybe my favorite game ever — for being so darn easy. It’s so true.

Anyways, if you have a bone in your body that is nostalgic for sixteen-bit glory days, I’d recommend check out SydLexia’s list. It’ll be good reminiscence with plenty of laughs

There are a few things that I tend to wax nostalgic about.  Any victory of the Redskins over the Cowboys would qualify, as would any Billy Joel record my dad played for me as I was growing up.  But another thing I that I have countless warm memories of is computer games.  As far back as I can remember, these interactive adventures were my greatest pastime and the focus of my free time.

I’ve sinced moved on to bigger and better things, like “console gaming” and “having a life” (just kidding), but I will always browse any Greatest Computer Games list to see if any of my all time favorites have been included.  Recently, I stumbled across a particularly professionally-done one on IGN.  Here are the final results of the countdown:

1. X-COM: UFO Defense (1994)
2. Civilization IV (2005)
3. Star Wars TIE Fighter (1994)
4. Rome Total War (2004)
5. Fallout (1997)
6. Starcraft (1998)
7. Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn (2000)
8. SimCity 2000 (1993)
9. Half-Life 2 (2004)
10. Age of Empires 2: Age of Kings (1999)
11. Sid Meier’s Pirates (1987)
12. Battlefield 1942 (2002)
13. System Shock 2 (1999)
14. Company of Heroes (2006)
15. Grim Fandango (1998)
16. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006)
17. World of Warcraft (2004)
18. Call of Duty (2003)
19. Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness (1995)
20. Deus Ex (2000)
21. MechWarrior 2: 31st Century Combat (1995)
22. The Sims (2000)
23. Unreal Tournament 2004 (2004)
24. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six (1998)
25. IL-2 Sturmovik (2001)

The list straddles between picking influential games, games that were great at their time, and games that are most fun today.  For example, The Sims 2 is a more complete, fulfilling experience than the original, but The Sims blew everyone’s mind by looking good and playing better.  In fact, its addictive life-management gameplay wowed people so much that it outsold any game in history.

I was a bit surprised to see the pick at number one, but I can’t call it a bad pick by any stretch.  I played the shareware version to death back in the day.  It was one of those games I begged my parents to buy the full version for me, but they never budged.  I’ll have to go hunting online and see if I can find a torrent legal download of it somewhere.

But for any lifelong computer game fan, the real satisfaction from this sort of list comes from seeing your favorite games receiving props.  And here is where the list excel.  Warcraft 2 was my obsession for months on end.  Modern RTS games may improve gameplay and graphics, but none will ever steal my heart like Tides of Darkness did.  It was dramatic, exciting, engrossing, beautiful, and hilarious — everything my young mind wanted out of a game.  The map editor alone got double-to-triple hours worth of play from me, and blowing up critters remains my favorite Easter egg in any game.  Even Warcraft 2’s transcendent follow-up, Starcraft, didn’t engross me the way the humans’ and orcs’ epic struggles did.

But the only game to give Warcraft 2 a run for its money was Age of Empires 2.  Epic in scope and brilliant in execution, Age of Kings revived my love of RTS gameplay to a level it hadn’t been since the peak of my Warcraft 2 obsession.  It made up for having only one unique unit-set by having thirteen distinct, balanced civilizations to tinker with.

I’m also glad TIE Fighter is getting props, though #3 might be a stretch.  There was just something so satisfying about flying around TIEs and taking out X-Wings, completing secret objectives for the Emporer and taking orders from Vader.

There are of course a few oddball picks (IL-2 Sturmovik?), and Starcraft as low as #6 will pass as travesty in some circles, but overall this list hits all the right nerves and includes plenty of deserving classics.  Of the twenty-five, I’ve played fourteen of the games (or their similar predecessors or follow-ups), and I now have a hankering to find down some of the picks I missed (Deus Ex, Fallout) to see if they’re worth their reputation.

I came across a funny site the other day: Peter’s Site on Multiply.com. This portion of his site is dedicated to finding and discussing the ugliest cars in the world. So far nine have been nominated.

Here is my rank of his nine nominees. I’ve linked to pictures of the cars. The order is from least ugly to most ugly. This only includes the cars nominated on Peter’s Site.

1. Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren
   What’s the deal with this nomination? Sure, the bumper’s jumbo Mercedes logo is a bit obtrusive and annoying, but this car is still pretty nice, in my opinion.
   
2. Lesux SC340
   I suppose the nomination here comes from the curved rear of the car. It admittedly doesn’t look that great from behind. But there are uglier cars.
   
3. Ferrari Enzo
   It’s certainly obnoxious and over the top with its sportiness. But it’s still pretty sleek. Not a beauty by a long shot, but it still has a nice, if strong, luxurious flavor to it.
   
4. Pontiac Aztek
   The Aztek is not a pretty car. It can’t quite decide if it’s going to be sporty in a suburban sort of way or rugged in a pickup truck sort of way. The end result is a sort of boxy mishmash that just doesn’t do much for the eyes.
   
5. AMC Pacer
   Station wagons are almost inherently tacky. But the Pacer’s obnoxious dome-style windows on its rears don’t help its case.
   
6. Honda Element (seen above)
   Ugly from the front, ugly from the rear, ugly from the side, ugly from any isometric perspective — yep, the Honda Element is one heck of an ugly car.
7. AMC Gremlin
   I’ve seen pictures of Gremlins that aren’t terrible. With the right paint job on the right model from the right angle, it’s got a certain muscle car feel that’s almost classy. But nearly every picture you see will confirm that the Gremlin is in fact a very ugly car.
8. BMW Isetta
   It doesn’t even look like a car. It looks like an especially cramped go-kart with a closed top, or something. The door opening in the front is just weird. If BMW wanted to do something cool with their car, they should have thought Delorean. Anything other than that ridiculous door in the front would have worked.
   
9. Fiat Multipla
   Even someone good with Photoshop couldn’t distort a picture car to make it uglier than a Multipla. It’s just hideous and obnoxious. That weird hunk of car that sits sort of in the center of the design — why is it there? Did someone actually think it would be a good idea to put it there? Was it the result of some sort of freak car factory accident?

Discuss: What is the ugliest car on this list? Can you think of any ugly cars that weren’t included in the discussion?

Including games that have come bundled with systems, here is a list of the top fifteen bestselling video games of all time, as of March 2008:

1. Super Mario Bros. - NES - 40 million copies *
2. Tetris - Game Boy - 33 million copies *
3. Pokemon Red/Blue - Game Boy - 20.08 million copies
4. Super Mario World - SNES - 20 million copies *
5. Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES - 18 million copies
6. Wii Sports - Wii - 17.85 million copies *
7. Nintendogs -DS - 17.79 million copies
8. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City - PS2 - 15 million copies
9. Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec - PS2 - 14.87 million copies
10. Pokemon Gold/Silver - Game Boy - 14.51 million copies
11. Pokemon Diamond/Pearl - DS - 14.17 million opies
12. Super Mario Land - Game Boy - 14 million copies
13. New Super Mario Bros. - DS - 13.14 million copies
14. Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire - GBA - 13 million copies
15. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - PS2 - 12 million copies

* - game included with a system as a bundle

Nabbing all of the top seven spots are games from Nintendo consoles, including Wii Sports at #6 from the current generation, which is sure to jump at least to #3 by the time Nintendo releases its next console.

Topping the list is Super Mario Bros., which gets an enormous amount of help from the fact that it was included with the system, not to mention the fact that it is routinely cited as the best game of all time by web-sites and other publications. However, Super Mario Bros. 3 at #5 shows that you don’t need those things to sell ridiculously well as a Mario game. Also, #12 on this list is a remake of #1, just emphasizing how marketable the game is without the bundling.

At #2 is Tetris, also widely acclaimed as among the greatest and most influential games ever. Have you ever met someone who doesn’t like Tetris? If so, they’re probably a cynic or lying.

Then, at #3 is Pokemon, the greatest video game sensation of them all. I remember well when every kid would be playing it during recess at school, while eating at Burger King, while waiting in the dentist’s office — everywhere, for that matter. It doesn’t surprise me at all that it’s so high on the list.

Standing strong at #4 is another bundled game, Super Mario World, perhaps my favorite game ever. It remained among the most recognized and beloved games of the 16-bit era.

Taking the fifth spot is Super Mario Bros. 3. This one surprised me more than any game out of the top ten. Though I know it is one of the most widely known and loved games of all time, I didn’t know it sold at a volume that almost matched Pokemon. I guess I’ve always underestimated the amount of NES’s that were sold.

At sixth and rising is Wii Sports. The Wii continues to sell out just as shipment is received, and goes for about $150 more than retail on sites like Amazon and ebay, despite the fact that they system has been out for well over a year. There’s no end in sight to the massive demand. It could potentially jump its way to #2 or #1 by the time this console generation is over. If you don’t believe that, think of this: The newest console generation is about a year and a half old, so a little less than a third over. Tripling the number of copies sold by Wii Sports places it firmly at number one. It’s unlikely that the Wii will continue selling at the rate it is for a whole five years, but it’s certainly not an impossibility.

At seventh is the latest cutesy, handheld phenomenon, Nintendogs. Despite rave reviews and massive numbers, I’m not completely impressed with it. Pokemon was a really substantial game, a perfect balance of simplicity and depth, and I’m not sure Nintendogs quite matches it. However, I haven’t had extensive playing time with it, so I’m not sure.

Nabbing eighth and ninth are two classic PS2 games. Vice City was controversial but massively loved and enjoyed. It had very much of a cool factor to it, meaning adults and young adults weren’t hesitant to get their hands on it, unlike Pokemon. Gran Turismo also has a cool, authentic factor to it. It was so detailed with its depiction of sports cars and racing, and earned such rave reviews, that it was snatched up by millions.

At tent, eleventh, and fourteenth are more Pokemon games, a few years removed from the immense cultural machine that was the Pokemon fad when Red and Blue were released. Nonetheless, consumers still seem to come out in droves to pick up any Pokemon-related product. Pokemon games usually receive favorable reviews, which certainly helps.

Nabbing twelfth is a remake of the #1 game on this list, except in hand-held format. The game created quite a buzz when it came out and the Game Boy was the latest big thing in video games. Only Tetris, #2, was bigger at the time.

Taking thirteenth is another Mario game, which gained a lot of consumer recognition because of the title’s similarity to #1 on this list. As you discover more and more about video games, it becomes more and more clear how all-encompassing Mario’s impact on the video game industry and market has been.

Finally, at number fifteen, we have San Andreas, one of the most controversial games of all time with the “Hot Coffee” scandal. However, it is one of the most critically acclaimed games of its generation, earning impeccable review scores from many game publications, including the beloved Platinum Award from the magazine of Electronic Gaming Monthly, the Holy Grail of review awards.

Here is a breakdown by system:

• Game Boy: 4 games (26.7%)
• PS2: 3 games (20%)
• DS: 3 games (20%)
• NES: 2 games (13.3%)
• GBA: 1 game (6.7%)
• Wii: 1 game (6.7%)
• SNES: 1 game (6.7%)

Discuss: Are these the games you expected to see on the list?